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2/8/2015 CliveAnders 5813 CliveAnders
4 stars [3 Votes, 4.17 Stars]
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8/16/2006

James Bishop Brown - Hell Froze Over: James B. Brown
Forgotten Sister: Denis Regan, Lennard Thompson, James B. Brown 
Kaela
Rejection Reason: Bar Band
Average Rating: [0 Votes]
Views: 1,133
[song removed by band]
NovaVox [8/17/2006 10:45:05 PM EST]
Score: +0
This has the ear tags of a good song.

The situation brings to mind songs that really have something good to them, but as soon as you hear the production you write them off. If you can take this song out of that category I think you may have something.

Good luck with the acoustic set, I think it will be fine.
jbrown (song submitter) [8/17/2006 10:36:50 PM EST]
Score: +0
I gotta thank you again NV. Your comments were very helpful and I've found a new key and some different stylings. I wanted to salvage this one for an acoustic set and now I think I can.
jbrown (song submitter) [8/17/2006 6:12:16 PM EST]
Score: +0
Thanks. That might apply to just about everything I've recorded as there was always a very short window of opportunity regarding my main collaborator, whether he was visiting me, or I was back in the States, and then rounding up willing local musicians from wherever we were. And then I just had to hand it off. I was just happy to get something down at first, but ultimately disappointed. Live and learn.
NovaVox [8/17/2006 2:21:54 PM EST]
Score: +0
Well, first off j...it isn't usually the song that doesn't work, it's usually the production or delivery. Sometimes the artists aren't right and sometimes the way it's delivered (effects, arrangment, sound choice) isn't right.

I think this one sounds "bar band" because the drums have that Karaoke reverb on them. Try them dry and see what happens. Second, the vocal has a very bar reverb sound on it too. The vocal delivery is ok, I don't think that is the problem, it's the production.

The lyrics are ok, don't change them, and try a more interesting bass and piano tone.

Try these things and keep your eye on contemporary artists you like. Try tones they would use for those parts. Remember, most important is HOW you play it (and HOW you effect it).
NovaVox [8/17/2006 2:19:27 PM EST]
Score: +0
Actually j, I meant to say "It doesn't matter WHAT you play, it only matters how you play it" ;)
jbrown (song submitter) [8/17/2006 1:56:52 AM EST]
Score: +0
Okay. I'll agree with that. So NovaVox what do you suggest? Pots on - gas on high?
NovaVox [8/17/2006 1:28:04 AM EST]
Score: +0
On the contrary...John Lee Hooker wrote a song with only one chord (Boogie Chill'n) and it was VERY musically profound. It doesn't matter how you play, it only matters how you play it. If you want me to give you some feedback, sure...but it won't be on the progression...it will be on feel alone...
jbrown (song submitter) [8/17/2006 12:26:14 AM EST]
Score: +0
NovaVox, don't get me wrong. I wrote the first comment because I wanted some feedback beyond "bar band". I stated the song had some problems. According to what I've read, RedFizz encourages those who submit to join in the discussion. I don't expect anything musically profound from 3 major chords and a minor chord. However, I would be very grateful to hear any suggestions for a different arrangement. There's been a lot of water under the bridge since I wrote this song and I'm happily married with a child of my own.It's just that I'm no longer able to hear the song any other way, please help!
NovaVox [8/16/2006 8:26:50 PM EST]
Score: +0
This is a very sentimental song, and I'm sure it means quite a lot to you. It doesn't hit me in a particularly profound way (musically) so I'll spare critiquing it because it doesn't seem like you are here for info on how to make it so.

It has sentiment though, and sometimes that's all that counts.
NovaVox [8/16/2006 8:21:26 PM EST]
Score: +0
My head esplode! My head esplode!
TheBuyer [8/16/2006 6:29:06 PM EST]
Score: +0
Hooray exploding!
jbrown (song submitter) [8/16/2006 6:08:29 PM EST]
Score: +0
Not the daddy, no reconciliation 'cause nothing ever got established bla bla. "1 year old" "happy birthday" and "you" should tell the listener who the song is directly sung to, but that doesn't matter. I will stop submitting old bar band material. Next I will submit dysfunctional singer songwriter stuff or songs of gratitude which may cause your head explode.
Mr. Bratty [8/16/2006 6:06:00 PM EST]
Score: +0
i'm a parent so i have a soft spot for this tune. in general, i get a real warren zevon-y feel from your stuff. that's not a bad thing.
GibneySays [8/16/2006 5:52:20 PM EST]
Score: +0
so he's not the baby's daddy?

i can see your point when it comes to the lyrics, but the overall sound of the song, both vocally and musically is overwhelmingly bar band-ish.
TheBuyer [8/16/2006 5:40:11 PM EST]
Score: +0
It's got a really good message, I'll give you that, but i can seriously hear the "wooo" clap clap clap in my head after it's done. If this were a tv show the bar band would be playing this song to the mother with her daughter on her lap after the lead singer had overcome some great, terrible chunk of adversity to get there. Like maybe the couple broke up and reconcilled after an intervention and lengthy stay at a rehab clinic or something and she was born while he was inside. I don't know if those messages are implied either, he seems to be saying outright, "I hope I'm not going anywhere". Whether that means "I have cancer" or "Mommy dumped me" I don't know. You could also be talking about a dog or a car, there's no real indicataion that you're talking to about a baby person.
jbrown (song submitter) [8/16/2006 12:14:29 PM EST]
Score: +0
It seems a bit irresponsible to dismiss this song as a bar band song. It is a love song, it is sung to a 1 year old, and with several implied messages to said infants mother. It has no driving beat, no guitar solo, and is fairly minimal in some respects. The chord structure is traditional, but the phrasing is not. I'm wondering what would be said about this song if I had submitted an acoustic solo version? I think the song is lyrically strong. The vocals are a wobbly and perhaps not the best key for the singer. The progression as a whole seems to stall, as if each part only just reaches next part. Still the subject requires some active engagement in regards to the listener. Whatever strength this song has lies in following the implications of the lyric to the place where they lead, then staying there for a moment. The song itself I'd give 3 to 3.5 stars. This version of the song 2, maybe 2.5